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Saturday, 18 July 2015

Game of Thrones (2011) - Crappiest Ways to Get Killed

Game of Thrones, the super-hit HBO fantasy, has the knack of killing its most important characters in the crappiest ways possible. The moment you start taking interest in a character, be it a hero or a villain, whoosh!! The character dies off in the most ridiculous way you can imagine. Let us see some of the characters and the crazy ways they were killed off.

Tywin Lannister 

Most powerful man in King's landing shot by a dwarf while taking a dump in his bathroom.

Tywin Lannister was one of the most powerful characters on Game of Thrones - feared for his ruthless plotting and the success rate he achieved with them. He didn't even spare his own children. Out of his 3 children, he hated Tyrion the most because he was a dwarf and his mother died while giving birth to him. Out of a long-held spite, he allowed Tyrion to be falsely accused of Joffrey's murder and passed the sentence for his execution.

Hence the lion forgets to lock the bathroom door!!
Ironically, Tyrion Lannister managed to escape from prison. But before making his exit, he visited his father's private chambers where Tywin was taking a dump, literally. Tywin tried to reason with Tyrion who shot him twice with a cross-bow. The most powerful man in King's Landing died in the hands of his dwarf son while pooping!! How hilarious is that!!

Viserys Targaryen

Craved for a golden crown. Got killed by one, literally.

Viserys was the last surviving Dragon and thought he was entitled to the Iron Throne by right. He sold his sister Daenarys as a bride to Khal Drogo, the Dothraki savage chief, in exchange of his army who would help him conquer the Iron Throne.

I want my golden crown, just not too hot!!
However, he got too impatient when his sister got pregnant with Khal Drogo's son and threatened to kill her and the unborn child, as the entire tribe of Dothraki barbarians watched on. Drogo announced that he would give Viserys the golden crown he craved. Melting some gold coins, he poured searing hot liquid gold on the head of Viserys as everyone looked on. The last of the Dragon was killed by the very golden crown he had always desired.

Khal Drogo

Fierce warrior and Dothraki Chief killed by black magic.

Khal Drogo was the Dothraki chief, one of the most feared and ruthless warrior who could cut out a man's tongue with his knife. He married Daenarys, started loving her and became an obedient husband in the eyes of his own men. One of those men attacked Drogo and got killed by him, but not before inflicting a deep wound on him. Daenarys employed a witch to heal his wound with blood magic. The witch betrayed her, transforming Drogo into a breathing vegetable. Finally, Daenarys put a pillow to her husband to relieve his of the suffering.

Joffrey Baratheon

A dick of a prince, loves to abuse and torture, drinks poisoned wine at his own wedding.

Joffrey is a cowardly psychopath and a complete shame to human kind. Most psychopaths lack fear, but this is the first time you would see a cowardly psychopath - he enjoys abusing Sansa Stark, the teenage girl at the mercy of his family, but runs away to hide behind his mother when King's Landing is attacked. Before that, he orders his guard to kill his uncle Tyrion Lannister, the only guy who was brave enough take leadership during the siege.

Who knew the psycho could be killed by wine!!
After all the tyrannies committed by Joffrey, one is extremely disappointed by his hasty death by mere poison. Surely he deserved something more ruthless and fitting for all his crimes, maybe an execution-style death at the hands of Sansa Stark. But it is Game of Thrones where all things are unfair. Hence, the psycho just drops dead, creating only more trouble for poor Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark.

Lysa Arryn

Psychotic and paranoid Queen of Vale gets pushed through the moon door by her own husband.

Lysa Arryn was a paranoid psycho who knew the exact nature of her new husband Petyr Baelish. After all, both of them had executed the plan of poisoning her ex-husband Jon Arryn. She also knew that Petyr had a weakness for Sansa Stark. Yet, she threatened to push her through the moon door, fully aware that Petyr was around, and continued standing there while Petyr approached her on the pretext of pacifying her. Move away from the moon door - you stupid bitch!! Especially when your psycho husband is walking towards you!!

The Hound

Fierce swordsman is left to die by a thirteen year old girl, after losing to a lady swordsman.

The Hound was one of the best swordsmen in King's Landing - perhaps the only one known to fight of his older brother - the Mountain - another psychopath who would butcher anyone in his way. While Lady Brienne was a great warrior herself and we have utmost respect for her, we did not expect the Hound to lose so miserably to Brienne, the warrior who had a track record of failing to protect three consecutive people she had sworn to protect - Renly Baratheon, Catelyn Stark and Jamie Lannister. As the Hound lay injured and requested Arya Stark to end his misery. Arya came to him and walked away with his sword, leaving him to die. The greatest swordsman loses to a lady and gets abandoned by a thirteen year old girl. Of course, he is not really shown to die. Knowing Game of Thrones and its unexpected twists, he might still be alive.

Ser Meryn Trant

Sadistic a**hole of a Kingsguard killed by a thirteen year old girl inside a whore-house.

Ser Meryn Trant is one of the most hated characters in Game of Thrones, after Joffrey, Ramsay and the Mountain. He was a sadist who is only remembered for his twisted enjoyment in hitting young girls - remember how he slapped Sansa Stark and tore her dress in front of the entire court at Joffrey's command. Not to forget, he kept saying "too old" for all the young women he was shown in the whore-house in Bravos.

Ser Meryn Trant - hates Renly for liking men, himself prefers little girls!!
Finally, the middle-aged jackass settled for three teenage girls. Of course, he didn't recognize Arya Stark among them because she had learnt to become a Faceless girl. Finally, the teenager puts a sword through the eyes of the man whom we had wished dead for 5 seasons.

Stannis Baratheon

Best war commander in the land loses his common sense to black magic.

Stannis Baratheon is one character for whom I had great respect, in spite of the series of unethical decisions he made under influence of Melissandre, the Red Priestess. He loved his daughter in spite of her grey-scale, while she was shunned by her own mother. Stannis was an otherwise honourable man who resorted to desperate measures like black magic because he was indeed the rightful heir to the Iron Throne.

Stannis Baratheon - best commander, worst father!!
However, he lost all respect when he decided to let his daughter be sacrificed on insistence from Melissandre. Half his soldiers left him after the brutality, which eventually led to his defeat at the hands of the Boltons. Even then, he survived the war, only to be found by Lady Brienne who decided to execute him as revenge for Renly's murder. Thus, the greatest commander with the largest army gets doomed by black magic and a pretty witch.

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